How You Remind Me
by JeiC
Summary: A little POV fic using the lyrics from How You Remind Me by Nickelback . Swearing and going a little OOC here, but you get the idea.


Disclaimer: *pouts* Sadly, I do not own Gundam Wing – Bandai does. I also do not own the song "How You Remind Me" – Nickelback does. But I did come up with the story so please give a poor fanfic writer some credit…just keep my name on the story if you're gonna pass it around, 'kay?  
Author's notes: I am a firm believer of the saying: "Sanity…is not an option." *g* Okay, it's set to "How You Remind Me" by Nickelback if you wanna listen to the song while you read, but I took the lyrics right out of the convenient little booklet that comes with the CD and I know it's off a little bit.  
Warning: Yaoi with no lemon and a twist of angst please. Oh, and can you play some music?  
  
**

How You Remind Me

**  
  
*by JeiC  
********************  
Pulling up to a cliff overlooking the vast ocean, I quickly and rather roughly shove it into park and mess with the radio again for the millionth time tonight. Damn those stupid love song shows – couldn't find anything to suit my mood and those stupid things just make it at least ten times worse. Don't get me wrong here, I normally don't mind listening to them – I have a very wide variety of taste in music. Just not tonight – not after having what little heart I had left ripped to shreds. I don't think he even realizes it. Betcha none of them do.  
Turning the engine off, I decide to leave the radio on in hopes of finding something. After a few minutes I give up and leave it on whatever station I had last surfed to. Getting frustrated over a car radio isn't gonna help me out here.  
Leaning back in the seat, I close my eyes in an attempt to keep the tears back. What he said was cruel, but damn, he was right on target. I remember where I came from, and I thought I had worked my way up from there, but apparently not. I guess I tried too hard to be his friend…to be something to him. Snorting, I grab my bottle of water – I guess it wasn't meant to be.  
  
_

Never made it as a wise man

  
_  
My attention returns to the radio. Same here, buddy. Not a smart cell in my body – I run on instinct. He seemed to have fun telling me how much of an idiot I was…actually, now that I think about it, he always lets me know how stupid he thinks I am. They all do, really.  
  
_

I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'

_  
  
Well, yeah, I pretty much sucked at that too. I survived though, didn't I? I did for awhile before I got caught. Thought it was the end of the line for me, but I got lucky I guess. I was a kid trying to survive in a world where people like me were supposed to die.  
  


_Tired of livin' like a blind man  
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling_

_  
_  
Putting the cap back on my water bottle, I think about it. Yeah, I've been feeling pretty dead inside for a long time. Shaking my head at the thought, I realize that I've become such a good actor that I even managed to fool myself there for a period of time.  
  


_This is how you remind me  
This is how you remind me of what I really am_

_  
_  
Heero, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei…even Relena when she was around – they're always doing that. Quatre is kinda weird about it though – it's as if he knows there's something more than what I show people.  
But they chased me out of the safehouse tonight – chased me with their eyes. Of course this was after he humiliated me in front of everyone. Cranking up the radio, I hop onto the hood and stare up at the stars. That's where I belong – in space…or dead. Either way I would be out of their hair.  
  
_

It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on different story

  
_  
Too true. Only one of us you'll get an "I'm sorry" out of is Quatre. Flipping my water bottle in the air to the music, I decide I'm not going back tonight. I can't go back…I can't face them again tonight. Not that any of them will care anyway.  
  
_

This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking

  
_  
Although I'm not sure if my heart was even worth breaking, I trusted him. I trusted him enough that I opened up to him. With words he managed to kill me. All I wanted was his friendship – I would be satisfied with that. Why'd he have to rip me apart so precisely and so thoroughly? Why'd I even bother?  
  


_I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle  
These five words in my head scream, "Are we havin' fun yet?"_

_  
_  
I think I have more fun putting my life on the line in mobile suit battles, but this song is pretty damn good. I wonder why I've never heard it before – stuff like this is pretty popular. I drum out the beat with the bottle on my leg really getting into the song. This is what I was looking for.  
  


_It's not like you didn't know that  
I said I love you and I swear I still do_

_  
_  
Even though you never show me any sort of respect, I still do. Even though you killed my heart, or rather what little was left of it, I still do. I'm such an idiot. To prove my point to myself, I bonk myself in the head with the bottle of water a few times to the beat.  
  


_And it must have been so bad  
Cause livin' with me must have damn near killed you_

_  
_  
Taking another drink of water, I debate it. You're obsessed with your damn Gundam, you know that? I know you've slept in the damn thing at least a few times. I guess you did it because I'm a bad roommate. Guess I can't blame you there, pal.  
  


_This is how you remind me of what I really am  
This is how you remind me of what I really am_

_  
_  
I find myself singing along even though this is the first time I've ever heard the song. Wiping my eyes, I'm kinda half surprised that I'm crying. Didn't think I had any tears left to shed.  
  


_It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story  
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking  
I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle  
These five words in my head scream, "Are we having fun yet?"_

_  
_  
I guess I didn't have the cap on tight enough for I managed to give myself an impromptu shower. Great, the stupid fool strikes again. Yeah, fun, sure. Maybe I should just jump the railing and go for a dive, 'cause damn, I can't seem to do anything right. Idiot.  
  
_

Never made it as a wise man

_  
  
Buddy, I think I just prove my point here. That and I managed to alienate those closest to me. I barely manage to pass through school when I get the chance to go. Wise…you're talking to the wrong person pal. I had four friends – go see them.  
  
_

I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'

  
_  
I wonder if I could live on the streets again. You know, they say once you leave, you can't go back. Well, at the rate I'm going, that's where I'm gonna end up. And I'll be all alone. If there's one thing that scares me, it's ending up being alone again.  
  


_This is how you remind me  
This is how you remind me of what I really am_

_  
_  
Jumping off the hood, I snatch up a stone and throw it out into the ocean. Now I'm more pissed off than anything. Why do I let him do this to me? I should have said something, but for once, I kept my mouth shut and just left. Well, here I am, all alone and living my biggest fear, but I know that for now it's temporary.  
  


_It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story  
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking  
I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle  
These five words in my head scream, "Are we havin' fun yet?"_

_  
_  
Stalking up to the lovely, industrial-strength guard rail, I give it a few swift kicks before taking a seat on it. A strange thought occurs to me – normally one does not leave the keys in the ignition of one's vehicle. I shrug it off because first of all, there isn't anyone around for nearly fifty miles and then it's only the guys. Second, unless you know how to turn that baby on, you ain't goin nowhere. What silly little thoughts I have when I'm upset.  
I shake my head at the "turn on" comment – that was just wrong. You know, every time I double check myself, I figure I'm straight. It's those oh so enticing little dreams about him and all the stuff we do that make me wonder for a few hours or so. Stuff is a nice safe word – don't want to get too graphic here.  
I find myself now stuck between hating him and forgiving him. Swinging my legs back and forth like a little kid, I finally take good notice on exactly how beautiful the ocean is this evening.  
"Duo…"  
He's here. He followed me. He fuckin followed me! What the hell does he want now?! Wasn't ripping me to shreds in front of everyone enough?! "Get lost, Yuy. You made your friggin point so very crystal clear."  
I hear a click. I don't believe it – now he's gonna kill me. Ah, a fitting end to my miserable existence. "You won't get a cleaner shot, pal. If you want, I can try to fall off the cliff so you won't have to clean up."  
For a few seconds there is dead silence before he decides to speak again, "You're coming back with me."  
I snort and turn to face him. Jumping off the railing, I approach him – stopping with the nose of his pistol against my chest. "If you think that, you can go fuck yourself with a metal pole." I gently grab his gun and pull it out of his grasp. Safety on, bullets moved to my pocket and pistol tossed in the backseat of my car I turn to glare at him.  
Wait a second…did I just do what I think I did. Man, when he recovers, I am so dead. Taking my eyes off of him, I jump back onto the hood and look up at the stars.  
"You'll endanger the mission."  
Oh, please, not that crap. "Bullshit, Heero! The closest human beings are us fly-boys nearly fifty miles away. Who the hell am I gonna talk to?! The fish?! You know as well as I do that out here, that is the most lame excuse you could possibly come up with. So what's the real reason you followed me way out here?"  
"I…wanted to find out if you were conspiring with OZ."  
I roll over on my stomach to face him. "Now that's a low blow, Heero, and somehow I seriously doubt that's the reason either. Lying doesn't become you. What's the matter? Stupid little Duo runs away from the safehouse for a breath of fresh air and it's got you worried?"  
He grabs my jaw fairly roughly. Damn, I think I'm gonna have a bruise. "Will you just shut up and come back already before I have to force you?"  
Somehow I manage to speak around his death grip, "You already know my answer, but I'll make a deal with you." I can't talk anymore or he'll break my jaw – his grip is too tight.  
His eyes narrow as said grip releases slightly.  
"I'll return if and only if you'll tell me the real reason you tracked me down." I grin at him like I do when I eliminate a mobile suit.  
"That's it?"  
"That's it, buddy." I watch his face as he debates telling me or just forcing me to return.  
The look he gives me forces me to sit up – such a sad face. "You make me feel things I haven't felt in a long time and I tried to get you to stop, but something happened after you left. I felt the need to follow you – to make sure you were okay. I guess I wanted to apologize…"  
"You wanted to apologize, eh? Sounds like you were trying to continue ripping me apart a few minutes ago." He doesn't respond to that. "You know, all this time all I really could have hoped for is your friendship and you denied me that, and even still with everything said and done, I have forgiven you. I guess because you've made me feel things I haven't even realized before." Sliding off the hood onto the ground I put a hand out in a friendly gesture. "I suppose I should make good on my end of the bargain now. So where's your ride?"  
He blushes. Heero-I'm-the-Perfect-Soldier-Yuy blushes when I ask him about a ride. There's some strange shit going on tonight. "I held onto the bottom of the car."  
I roll my eyes. "Ladies and gentlemen, I was mistaken, there were two reasons why he wants me to go back. First, he apologizes…sorta. Second, he needs a ride back himself. What the hell were you thinking?!"  
"About you. I didn't think you would react at gun point like that."  
Shaking my head I laugh – the first real laugh I've had in a long time. Soon, he joins me in the laughter. "Okay, but you owe me for the ride. Get in – I won't have you riding below on the way back."  
********************  
fin  
May 2002  
*by JeiC   
  
  



End file.
